Today I have heard something said a few times in a few different ways: take care of yourself first before you take care of other people. I can understand why people in Canada would think this, but at the same time it can make me so frustrated that people can take this way of living to an extreme. I can understand wanting to make sure that we all have everything that we need to survive but at the same time we should remember that our community and what our collective needs to survive. Maybe it is because of our lack of community that is easy to not find in Canada (or parts of it at least). We seem to forget that we need our community as much as it needs us in order to survive. As humans we need companionship to be able to function. This is why we have punishments which involve solitary confinement. This is also why we have a common fear at some point that we are going to end up alone. We need our fellow human beings and we need a sense of belonging in a community. Why is it then, that we Canadians have become so skilled at pushing away those people and that community that we need?
Since I have volunteered at St. John's Kitchen I can already feel the difference and the impact that this experience has had on my life. I feel like I am making small changes in my daily behaviours. They are tiny baby steps but at least they are in a good direction. I have previously described how homeless people sometimes made me nervous when I passed them in the streets of Toronto. I would not even acknowledge them! Think about that for a few moments, I would not acknowledge a fellow human being just as I would an object that I was passing by. Now I understand and have grown for my experiences that I have had at St. John's. I recognize how important it is to embrace our community with open arms. I was stunned with how the community does not try to shun you but they open their arms right back and accept you. Being in that community was a different way of being. Everyone was friendly and was willing to have company as they ate their meal. There was no sense of people who were better looking down on those who were not. It was an amazing environment to be present in, even if I was not able to be there as much as I would like to have been now that I look back on this past term.
Now taking this thought pattern and bringing it back a little bit more. We should not be thinking solely of our needs with no regard to our community. Our community has so much that it is able to offer us. I, personally, have grown up for a large part of my life without a sense of community where I was living. When I moved away from my childhood home I was torn away from my original community where the neighbours were friendly and everyone knew everyone's name. I have moved several times and have seen a difference from my first home. There is no sense of community where I move and people keep to their own homes. Many times I have heard that we should take care of ourselves before we try to reach out to others but I do not believe that this is true! We always have something that we can offer our community and there will always be something that our community has to offer us back. I understand that communities cannot be created overnight but there are some baby steps that we all need to start to make. We should stop judging people because of what stereotype that they fall under, a person from a developing nation, a person who is homeless or our neighbour. We need to open our arms to everyone in our community because we are all humans and we all need that community to help support us. Everyone needs something and we can grow as a community if we all start thinking of each other and working towards bettering our community. We all have so much that we are able to share with each other.
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I hear your frustration and it brings a couple things to mind.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all - I agree with you about the value of community - and how very absent it seems to be around here. I was struck by how close-knit the families were in India and Peru. My hostess in India was shocked that my mother wasn't moving in with my sister now that she has had her first child. I met several members of my host in Peru's extended family - in fact I stayed with three members of his family throughout my stay. They worked together and truly for the greater good and it was so beautiful, refreshing, and grounding. This sense of community went from beyond the family to the whole community. There was a welcoming and helpful vibe all around.
At the same time though, the sentiment that you have to take care of yourself before you take care of others also rings true to me. I agree with you that people take it too far, but I've learned from experience that if you're putting out too much of yourself, it can lead to exhaustion and can actually end up with someone not being able to contribute to any sort of community because he or she has been run dry. I think we have to take care of our own basic well-being before we can effectively take care with others. That being said I think since we are social creatures that in order to take care of ourselves, truly, most of us have to engage with and contribute to our communities. It seems our society has lost sight of that.
I'm reminded of something amazing that happened when I moved into a place in Guelph a few years back. The woman living upstairs made cookies for me to welcome me to the neighborhood. I was taken aback - who makes cookies for neighbors anymore? It was so awesome that I resolved to make cookies for the next neighbors. I don't know... live the revolution - there are so many awesome ways for us to build community!
Not that I'm posting here in defence but I think some clarification should be made. I'm sure the people who have made the comment (me and Grandma included) did not mean that your efforts of helping other's was a detriment. I liken it to this example ~ when in an airplane you are instructed to put an airbag first on yourself and THEN on any small children, if it should deploy. The reasoning behind this is that parents would, typically, think to save their children's lives first and then their own but in this case what good is the child alive if the parent is dead and their is no one to look after the child while the plane is falling? ~ OK, a little extreme but I think you get the message. Your philanthropic spirit is well supported by your family, HOWEVER, you have to be realistic in what and how you choose to employ your efforts. A doctor would say that saving an HIV/AIDS patient without rubber gloves may not be worth the risk of saving a life at the potential cost of his own. This is what I meant by what I said, as I may be biased (you think?), but risking your life to save another or put yourself in a position of great jeaprody for another's benefit shouldn't be an automatic response but a simple weighing of consequence. We all like to help those in need but if you die from the experience how can you live on to help others????? ~ Get it?
ReplyDeleteMom, this post was not an attack against you. I meant in general.
ReplyDeleteOK, so it isn't about me but the theory still stands. Maybe what I feel is what other's have meant............or maybe what they meant is what I feel. In this case, it's the same thing. I love you baby girl. Nailed at the heart. It's just a little blue planet and we are both on it together. Miss you. xo
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